For Your Anal Pleasure

Anal sex is still considered taboo by many people – for some people this is more of a turn on, for others that is a turn off. Whether you enjoy anal sex, want to give it a try or are just curious, read on for the steps to anal pleasure.

Anal penetration is not for everyone and that’s fine. Your partner may enjoy digital penetration, anal beads or a small dildo or vibrator. You need to respect your partner’s limitations and boundaries. Some people really enjoy anal play – but others do not.

Anal sex is becoming more acceptable and likely people you know are enjoying anal pleasure, whether they admit it to you or not. Let’s start with some basics. What are some reasons why people enjoy anal sex –

Reasons Why Some People Like Anal Sex

• “It feels good.”
• “I can’t get pregnant.”
• “It’s an alternative when I have my period.”
• “Vaginal sex is painful.”
• “I like double penetration.”
• “It is deeper than my mouth or vagina.”
• “I like the variety.”
• “I tried it and liked it.”
• “It is tighter.”

Prepare Yourself for Anal Play

For people who are leery of experimenting with anal play with your partner, you can try some of these tips on your own. When you are in the shower and when you’re participating in some self-love – you can test the waters to see if you may enjoy it. When you are bathing or showering and cleaning your anus – you can test a few things.

Use a clean hand to stroke your penis or your clitoris – depending on whether you’re a man or a woman. This will distract you and prompt feelings of stimulation which you can then associate with anal play.

Tense and tighten your anus – then let go. Repeat this several times while you continue to masturbate.

Take the opportunity to play with your anus in the bath or shower. Touch the area around your anus, maybe stroke the opening, and you may slip your finger in a little bit to see how it feels.

Massaging around the anal area with or without any plan to penetrate the anus will let you enjoy the pleasurable feelings without the apprehension of penetration. Any time you massage any part of the body, use massage oil or lube. This enhances the pleasure and reduces friction.

Using genital and anal play at the same time – can create a distraction and also enhance or double your potential pleasure.

Never rush the play – whether you’re playing by yourself or with a partner. Take your time. I recommend pushing your normal boundaries and experimenting, but if you truly don’t enjoy something, you should stop.

An anal tip – even with plenty of lube, you are likely to have some discomfort. Once the penetration passes a certain point, you can sense a very pleasurable feeling. With fingers and toys, you can also experiment with various size items, or only 1 or 2 fingers at first. Ease into it – literally and be patient. This is a reason why I recommend experimenting on your own before playing with a partner.

Anal Play Tips with Your Partner

Let’s start with a couple of facts – never rush your partner into something they aren’t comfortable doing. And, never do something that makes you uncomfortable just to please your partner. This is one of the many places in a relationship where you need open and honest communication. Once you decide that you are both ready for anal play, here are some tips.

Never Insist on Penetration – You don’t have to penetrate the anus to generate pleasurable sensations for your partner or yourself. Rubbing the anus with your fingers, the head of the penis, a toy or a tongue (known as rimming) – can all create great sensations. This can be a great start for people who are skittish about anal penetration.

Create Good Feelings – Like I mentioned above, anal sex can hurt and especially at first. But I’m very serious that it doesn’t have to hurt. Plenty of lube is a key – and there are specific lubes for anal play. Another key is to make sure he or she are relaxed and calm. It the person receiving anal play is tense, it will hurt more. Never take the “rip off the bandaid” approach. Shoving your fingers, a toy or a penis in quickly will not alleviate the pain and is likely to turn your partner off to the idea of future play.

Anal Play and Other Play at the Same Time – Like I mentioned above – its good to play with your partner’s anus while you’re doing something else with them. You may want to give your partner oral sex while you massage their anus with your finger or the tip of a toy – can be a great way to show them the possible pleasure, while you please other parts of their body. Multitasking is a great thing in life and definitely when having sex and making love. Never do this to trick your partner, but to begin to experiment with their agreement. Many women enjoy double penetration – and you can give her a taste of this sensation during intercourse with two people or one person and a toy.

Diet and Hygiene – Not to get graphic, but there are some things you need to consider to make your anal play more enjoyable and healthy. Eating fiber and raw vegetables will keep your bodily functions more regular, and this will help you be more confident about no “slip ups” during anal sex. Enemas can also be beneficial and especially for people who want to participate in anilingus and rimming – since these include oral contact around the anus. When engaging in any type of anal play, remember to clean your hands, penis, toys etc – when moving from the anus to the vagina. You can use a washcloth, a baby wipe, a different condom etc – but it is very important for her to stay healthy.

I hope these tips help you find ways to experiment and enjoy anal play – solo or with a partner. Remember, keep it fun and enjoyable for you and your partner and take your time to have the most fun.

Would you like to speak to someone about sexual questions in your life? Feel free to contact me at lovecoachjourney@gmail.com – I am a relationship coach and a Master Sexpert and can help people with a wide variety of love, relationship, and sexual problems and concerns.

Respect for Your Partner is Part of a Healthy Relationship

Respect is a basic human value. It is defined as an attitude of admiration or esteem for a person. This feeling is generally a result of how we feel about a person’s achievements. How much we care for the person can also contribute to the respect we show to them. While all people deserve respect, not many of they receive this.

Everyone wants to be respected by others but not everyone gets respect and some don’t act in a way that makes them deserving of it. To start, let’s define a person who deserves our respect.

First of all, keep in mind that in order to demand or expect respect, you will have to treat others with equal amount of respect. I’ve heard the phrase “demand respect” my entire life. But, I feel people earn our respect through their actions, words and deeds.

‘Respect’ is just a word, but what it means and how it reflects on us can make all the difference in how we see ourselves and others — and how we relate to future possibilities and choices.

Respect in Your Relationship

I feel the keys to a successful relationship include: open honest communication, trust, love and respect. These traits help us shine in the good times but also build our strength and resolve in the tough times.

Many successful relationships have been built around different political or religious believes, but it all boils down to respect. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally share. In a relationship, respect means listening each other, valuing each other’s opinions, and understanding the other’s emotions.

If you want to encourage and develop respect with your partner, here are some helpful tips.

First of all it is very important to have self-respect. Treat yourself with respect. If she sees that you don’t have any respect for yourself she might decide she doesn’t have to show you respect either, because it is not important to you.

Give what you take. Show respect if you want to be respected. Everyone wants to be admired and appreciated. If you show your girlfriend that she is important to you, she is more likely to show how important you are to her. Be attentive, give compliments, and make her feel comfortable and content with you. Admire and respect the person you are with and listen when she talks. She’ll love to spend time with you.

Relax. Women sometimes think men are mediocre because they have a boring personality. So, when you have a date with her relax and have fun and she will feel great with you. If she finds you uptight and boring you may get dumped. If you make her feel good she will respect you for the funny guy you are, it is a great quality to be able to make her smile even when she is sad.

Don’t lie. We all know women don’t like to be lied to. If she caught you in a lie she will definitely not have respect for you. But, if she sees that you are sincere with her, she will be proud of you and show more respect for you.

Be confident and polite. Look into her eyes when she talks to you and make her feel that you are a person she can trust. Show her that she can talk with you about any subject or problem and can count on your help. Don’t forget to be polite, this will bring mutual respect.

Both people in a relationship need to show respect and to have their partner show respect for them. Here are some ways you can do that for one another.

• Let each other feel comfortable about themselves
• Be able to when you’re wrong
• Be willing to compromise
• Respect each other’s opinions, feelings and friends
• Try to resolve conflicts by talking honesty
• Accept when one of you say no to things you don’t want to do

So, take a deep look at your relationship to see if you and your partner are doing these things for one another. If not, you should work on cultivating more respect for one another.

10 Things You May or May Not Know About Kissing

Kissing is something that most men and women enjoy and we know the mechanics of basic kissing. Let’s take a look deeper into kissing, you may even learn something new. Here’s a kissing fun fact.  Kissing releases endorphins and neurotransmitters (chemicals) like Dopamine, responsible for emotional arousal and Noradrenaline for physical arousal.  I wasn’t great at science is school – but that is the kind of chemistry I can enjoy.

I’ve heard the skin on the lips is 200 times more sensitive than the fingers. You’re aroused by touching your partner with your fingers, but it is much more stimulating to touch your partner’s lips in a kiss.

Many people like to have their neck and jaw kissed, but how about kissing the ear? Here are some tips and a warning or two. First, the tips – you can suck gently on your partner’s earlobe and run the tip of your tongue along the edge of the ear. Pay attention to your partner and how they react to these various things and then you will know what they prefer. Second – don’t make too much noise when you’re kissing the ear – remember you are right playing with the ear so everything is louder. Also, don’t be slippery wet with your play – a nice mix between too wet and too dry I great. Dr Ava, founder of Loveology University, says you get extra points for taking this opportunity to whisper something naughty to your partner.

Do you ever kiss your partner with your lips together, but your hips away from one another? William Cane, kissing coach and author of The Art of Kissing has a suggestion. If you want to crank up the heat and the intimacy, take a step closer and bring your hips together. Even clothed, pressing your hips together will heat things up between you.

I saw a report that said half of the men say that long, hot, steamy kisses are a great way to get them ready for sex. There are other ways to get him ready – like dropping your clothes to the floor or simply saying that you want him. But hot, steamy kisses are a way that you can both enjoy and that will get both your juices flowing.

Many men enjoy or at least fantasize about watching women together, kissing, fondling or having sex. A December 2008 Cosmo poll says that over half the women between 18 and 24 have kissed another woman. However, less than half the women between 25 and 34 have kissed another woman.

Would you have sex with a bad kisser? An article from eHarmony.com says that the answer to that question depends on whether you’re a man or a woman. Men are at least twice as likely to have sex with a bad kisser than women. Men, women – do you agree with their thoughts?

When your partner leaves, do you get a peck on the cheek or a full kiss on the lips? Kissing is one of the first things that can disappear in a relationship, so a first signal could be that the kisses get more innocent and shorter. If you notice your partner is barely kissing you – reach up, slide your fingers into his hair and pull his mouth closer to yours and remind him of how steamy things can be between you.

Have you noticed that men tend to do more open mouth kissing and become more aggressive as he gets more turned on? According to a study by the University of Albany, this isn’t a coincidence. Evidently, he wants to share the libido boosting testosterone with you, so he does this through an open mouth kiss.

Dr Ava also says that coy kisses aren’t enough sometimes. If you’re looking to turn up the heat with your partner – passionate, toe curling kisses will elevate your blood pressure, make your heart beat faster, get you excited and make it easier to orgasm. So, you can go for a short jog or you can enjoy some passionate kissing with your partner to get your heart pumping. Sounds like an easy choice for me…

Did you know that kissing involves a number of muscles? Twenty muscles have to coordinate for a kiss. Maybe that’s why not all kissers are equal.  The tongue is an important part of French kisses and body kisses and the tongue is made up of a group of muscle that makes it the strongest in the body – how do you work out your tongue? By the way – you have a “kissing muscle” which is used to pucker and its called the “orbicularis oris muscle”.

This information is included in my upcoming book about the Art of Kissing. While you’re waiting for the complete book, take a look at my FREE report on the Art of Kissing from Head to Toe – A Love Prints Report – http://myfreeinformationarticles.com/kissing-head-to-toe/

Maintain Your Sex Life as You Age

Many people begin to worry about how to maintain their sex drive over 60. This can vary depending on the sex life they have had earlier in life. However, some people and especially women may feel more sexually free and enjoy sex more after menopause.

Sex is a satisfying part of most couple’s lifestyle and not something they want to lose. It is normal for a person’s sex drive to diminish as they get older. Specifically, those over 60 may find it is harder to get into the mood or to get their body to respond physically the way they want it to. Let’s share some tips that can help you and your partner – or feel free to share with friends or family who can benefit.

There are things you can do to help maintain your sex drive as you get older. Living a healthy lifestyle is going to have a significant impact for you so don’t blow it off. What you choose to do today is going to affect your health and your level of sexual desire as you get older.

Eating a well balanced diet is something you should incorporate into your life. If you aren’t doing it now, then start to make some small changes. As time goes on you will adjust to these changes and they will become second nature to you. Consuming too much caffeine can be a problem. If you aren’t getting all the vitamins and nutrients you need from food, you should take a quality supplement.

Make sure you take the time to exercise at least 30 minutes each day as well. Walking is very common for older individuals – it is low impact but very good for the body. Get a companion such as a friend or a dog that you can walk with each day. Some malls and other locations have indoor walking clubs which are perfect when the weather turns cold.

Maintaining a healthy weight is very important for your sex drive. The combination of a good diet with plenty of exercise will help you in this area. It also helps you feel great about how you look. Too many people are inhibited about sex as their body has changed from what it once was. That is going to be a fact of life for all of us.

Being happy with your body is important. Too many people start to notice all the small flaws as they get older. They will see every line and wrinkle on their body so they aren’t comfortable during sex. They don’t have self confidence that they are still desirable. They aren’t able to let go and enjoy what is taking place because they are too focused on such details.

Reducing the amount of stress in your life is important at all ages, but especially as you get older too. The toll it can take on both your body and your mind is more than most of us realize. Most people cannot be worry free as they get older. If your finances or relationships aren’t in the best shape, it can be hard to get past. But, do your best to reduce as much stress from your life as you can. It will help you in many ways and it will certainly help your sex drive because you won’t be preoccupied with other things.

If you are healthy as you get older, you will find it easier to maintain your sex drive and your sex life. Both men and women have the ability to be turned on sexually until a very late age in life. Men and women both have the ability to continue having orgasms into those later years as well. It all comes down to how fit a person is physically and mentally.

Age is merely a number though as anyone over 60 can tell you. Many of them continue to enjoy a sex life that is as wonderful as people in their 40s. It is something you can strive for in your own life as well. Make sure you are making healthy choices today so you won’t have too many issues that reduce your sex drive as you get older.

My Interview with Allisa Scott

Today – my sex positive interview continues and I’d like to introduce you to Allisa Scott.

Would you like to share your name? Allisa Scott

What prompted you to become involved in a love, relationship or sex related field?

From a young age I was fascinated with sexuality and the more I learned about how taboo it was in my family and then in society, the more I wanted to learn about it. It was a mysterious, fascinating and mystical world to me. I grew up in a conservative family and it was not something that was openly discussed (I was only told about sexuality when I was 11 and started to menstruate, and it was explained to me more in terms of my biological functioning than anything else).

When I went to university and found out there was a minor in studies in sexuality, I just had to obtain it. I then completed my first master’s degree with a focus on family, gender and sexuality, studying young women’s fluid sexuality. I then completed my masters of social work and have an interest in one day obtaining my sex therapy certification, but for now I am starting a private practice where I will be offering counselling in areas of gender and sexuality, and I am interested in couples counselling as well.

I have also been involved in the polyamorous communities and kink communities across southwestern and central Ontario in Canada. I have been involved with a number of conferences and continue to have an interest in academic and research components of sexuality as well. In addition I wrote a sex column for 6 years, briefly wrote for an online International Kink magazine, and am now writing for a local Rainbow Community (lgbtq) magazine.

In my personal life I realized that I was interested in more than just men romantically, so after becoming involved in numerous groups and committees and discovering where I fit into the sexuality spectrum, I have a great respect, and continued interest in areas of identity, sexuality, as well as gender orientation and the gender spectrum. I am an educator and trainer in these areas as well, and am very excited to make a career doing what I love.

What is your title? My official credentials/titles are as listed in this order: H.B.A, M.A., M.S.W., R.S.W., however, I also use the following titles: Counselor, Diversity, Gender and Sexuality Specialist, Counselor, Consultant & Trainer.

In a few sentences, how do you describe what you do?

I work with individual clients, groups or families to help them with issues related to gender and sexuality. I train agencies, businesses, and organizations to be more inclusive of diversity (including gender and sexual diversity), and I offer customized consulting in areas related to diversity.

What sort of education, background, experience etc do you have for this work?

Honours Bachelor of Arts, Minor in Studies in Sexuality, Masters in Sociology with a focus on Family, Sex and Gender, and a Master of Social Work. I am a registered Social Worker in Ontario. In addition I have many years of life experience working in/with numerous LGBTQ, kink, and polyamorous communities.

What sort of additional training did you feel you needed to do more for your clients?

Continue training in couple therapy techniques, as well as obtain my sex therapy training in the future (I plan to attend an intensive sex therapy training this upcoming summer).

How long have you worked in this industry?

I am just starting my business in February 2011, however, I have been an educator and trainer in areas of diversity, gender and sexuality for over 15 years now.

If you have a main focus or niche – what is it?

Gender and Sexual Diversity

What lead you to that specialty?

The search to understand my own fluid identity as well as a fascination in these areas, lead to my focus. I also find that few people are experienced in this area of work, and many people still mix up and misunderstand the difference between gender and sexuality. It impacts our lives in ways that people do not realize unless they are faced with it themselves, so I am interested to continue to offer education and bring awareness to these issues.

What has been the hardest thing about your work?

Acquiring the credentials to do this work in Canada. There are very limited options, and very little awareness about the field of sexuality as a career at schools. So this lead me to take an untraditional route to getting certified (I did not take a BSW as many people would, or go to the Sexuality program at the University of Guelph as it was not an option for me at the time). Now it will continuing to legitimize the field of gender and sexuality in the fields of counselling, consulting and training.

I have also found funding to be an issue. Unless you are directly related to a research grant or have your own funding for this type of work, it is not always supported or understood. Therefore, I took a lot of unrelated jobs or was underpaid for my work as a result. It has been hard, but I am finally going to do the work I have been wanting to all these years!

What has been the most rewarding thing about your work?

In counselling, it has been: working with people, and empowering them to get comfortable in their own skin, reconnecting families with one another after someone comes out, being able to support and recognize people when they are misunderstood by others, taking part in positive change and healing in people’s lives. Connecting to people or giving them space to be heard or recognized when they have been forgotten, left behind, hurt or lost in some way.

In consulting and training, it has been given the opportunity to expand people’s understanding of gender and sexuality to show them how it relates to their lives and the work they do, to actively be involved with reducing discrimination because of educating people, to support and network with local organizations and communities to create partnerships and stronger, more inclusive cities.

Tell us about your business.

My business is called Inclusive Counselling, Consulting & Training. I will be offering individual, couple, group or family counselling in areas of gender and sexuality as well as other areas of therapy. I am also training to offer online therapy. I am available to assist organizations with becoming more inclusive by offering training, or by working with their Human Resources teams to optimize their worker satisfaction and inclusion.= as well as meet the needs of Canadian legislation (i.e. Human Rights Code, Canadian Equity Act, as well as the new Accessibility for Ontarians with Disabilities Act.

How long have you been in business?

I will be starting in February 2011. Before this, I have worked in numerous related jobs.

Did you expand an existing business?

When I originally decided to start my own business, I was only going to offer counselling and training, but have been requested to offer consulting because of my areas of expertise in diversity, so I am now offering consulting as well. So I did not expand an existing business, I just expanded my current business idea before I started business.

Do you have a website and/or blog?

My website is http://www.inclusive-cct.ca/ and I am considering a blog and newsletter as well.

How could someone get in touch with you?

Contact me at my email at: inclusive.cct@gmail.com or at allisascott@gmail.com If someone requires my phone number they can email me and ask for a phone consultation.

Who are your favorite types of client?

Clients that are willing to be open to the change process, explore themselves, expand their minds and welcome more diversity, difference and inclusion into their lives and/or business. This goes for working with individual clients and with organizations. I think too many businesses are more concerned with their legal “due diligence” that they do not realize how non-inclusive they are, or who may be getting left out in their current training.

How do you promote your business?

I will be promoting locally online and in print. However, I will be expanding to promote my business elsewhere once I am certified incyber counselling because I can then work with clients internationally.

Have you written any books or developed any products for your clients?

Not yet, but I plan to.

Male Sexual Fantasies

We should start with the fact that most men are turned on by what they see. On the other hand, women usually are aroused and stimulated by what they hear and feel and men want to see images and women that turn them on. However, I’m not saying that a gorgeous guy doesn’t turn on a woman But I digress, let’s get back to the topic and dig deeper into the things that turn men on and details about their fantasies.

Researchers Bruce J Ellis and Donald Symons found that men are twice as likely to have sexual fantasies and to become sexual aroused by them, then women. The men in the study also have more fantasies with a large number of different partners – women normally fantasize about less different men. Men are estimated to have about 1,000 “objects of desire” in their lives. I’d be very interested to hear what men think about these results.

Most men – 88% – report switching partner during an individual fantasy

About half of the women – 57% – report switching partners in a single fantasy.

Both men and women include the faces of their partners in fantasies. Men typically want to see how the person looks, while women often want to see their appearance, but more importantly, how they are reacting through facial expressions.

These are some specific details about the sexual fantasies of many men – how do your fantasies compare?

• Men want more sexually explicit content
• Men want plenty of visual content to arouse them
• Men want to include things and people who are physically arousing
• Men will likely include physical details about appearance
• Male fantasies are about their “objects of desire”
• Men are likely to include specific sexual acts
• Men usually include a variety of multiple partners
• These multiple partners are often strangers or anonymous

Whether you’re the man or the person who loves the man – you should decide if you are willing to share his fantasies? Can you learn more about his fantasies, and share yours?

If you choose to share details about your fantasies – it is very important that you never make fun of each other’s fantasies. It’s also important to remember that these are likely to be things your partner will never do in real life – but it can be a great way to expand your love life. Be open and share your fantasies with each other in a positive way – and you could open up new possibilities in your relationship.

Interview Kelly Connell

Would you like to share your name?

Sure. Kelly J. Connell, M.S.Ed., Ed.D(c)

What prompted you to learn more to become a Love Coach or a Sexpert?

As a teaching assistant for an undergraduate Human Sexuality Class and an employee of Planned Parenthood, I began to feel that if people were educated about sexuality they would become more comfortable with their own sexuality which would result in healthier relationships as well as people being more comfortable with pregnancy and STD/HIV prevention. I really began to see sexuality as a quality of life issue which can affect each aspect of our lives. Sexuality is something that is studied in a multi-disciplinary facet as you can look at it from many perspectives including psychological, sociological, anthropological, culturally, biological, etc. and sexuality is much more than sexual behavior, or intercourse rather it encompasses all we are and we value it for the pleasure it derives us. I knew I wanted to spend my life helping people reach become educated about sexuality so their quality of life would be improved.

What is your title? Love Coach – Sexpert – Party Planner – etc –

I am a Sexuality Educator and Consultant. I guess you could use the term “sexpert” to describe me.

In a few sentences, how do you describe what you do?

I provide education, training and consulting to a variety of populations regarding many sexuality issues. I have worked with a variety of populations including underserved at risk youth, college students, medical professionals, support groups and senior citizens. My emphasis has been on sexuality and health care issues including sexuality in persons with chronic illness/disability.

How long have you worked in this industry?

About 19 years

Speaking of the industry – how do you classify the industry or business that you work in?

I am not sure what you mean by classify. I would say as a sexuality educator I work in a variety of settings, including health care, education, public speaking and consulting

If you have a main focus or niche – what is it?

Sexuality and health care issues. Working with health care providers and patients.

What lead you to that specialty?

Seeing how patients are grossly underserved by health care providers when it comes to addressing sexuality issues, and the lack of education and comfort among both patients and health care providers when it comes to how health care issues can affect sexuality and how sexual function issues can be a symptom of an underlying medical problem. Fewer than 1/3 of medical schools in the US offer any classes or training on sexuality issues yet patients report they feel their health care provider is the appropriate person to address sexuality issues.

What has been the hardest thing about your work?

Getting paid. Funding for anything but abstinence only education dried up during the Bush administration. It can be hard to find places with any money in their budget to pay you for your work.

The conservatives who fight any type of sexuality education other than abstinence only, who don’t want us in the schools and who have an agenda that includes preventing any kind of comprehensive sexuality education that includes discussion and acceptance of LGBT persons, as well as any approach to sexuality that does not focus on the negative aspects of sex. I was shocked the first time someone approached me and told me how wrong they think I am for doing what I do for a living. I was not prepared for such a negative reaction.

People expecting free advice and services when they meet me casually and find out what I do for a living. Everyone has a “friend” with a problem, and while teachable moments exist where you least expect them, sometimes when I am out or at the Dr. or at a party, I just want to be the customer etc.

What has been the easiest thing about your work?

Having a genuine passion for what I do. Not everyone gets to do something they love for a living.

What has been the most rewarding thing about your work?

Knowing I have made a difference in people’s lives. Recently I agreed to meet with a woman in a nursing home who has a debilitating chronic illness and had some serious questions about sexuality. I did this pro bono because I found out she was on Medicaid and had no extra money. I have never had anyone so happy to have me work with them. At the end of our time together I knew I had made a difference in the way she viewed herself as a capable sexual person and it once again reinforced my knowing why I do what I do. Giving people information, skill building, or even just leaving them with some things to think about can really alter the way they relate to themselves and others when it comes to sexuality. Knowing I have contributed to a positive experience and change for them is very rewarding.

What education do you have to do this sort of work?

I have a Master’s Degree in Human Sexuality Education from the University of Pennsylvania and am currently completing my dissertation for my Doctorate in the same at Widener University. If you want to be an educator this is recommended. You can also go the clinical route and become a certified therapist, which is something else I am working on. Many who go the clinical route have a degree in Social Work as well. I definitely think one needs education specialized in human sexuality. There are many people out there billing themselves as sexpert or sex educators that really have no formal training in sexuality.

What additional training did you feel that you needed to do more for your clients?

I need to complete my Doctorate. I am submitting my paperwork to AASECT to become a certified educator. For my career goals I need the Doctorate Degree. Some can meet their goals with a Master’s.

Tell us about your business.

I have www.sexpertkelly.com which is a fun website with mainstream news stories and articles I write about sex and sex tips etc. Soon I will be launching www.kellyconnellconsulting.com which will be used to market myself in many capacities. I am an educator, consultant, public speaker, and am qualified to do many things including teach, work with groups/organizations on curriculum development, policies and procedures, facilitate small groups, work with patients and health care providers in support groups or trainings. I hope to be doing a lot of different things with this.

How long have you been in business?

I have been a sexuality educator for about 19 years.

Did you expand an existing business to include love and relationship coaching?

Not yet but I am considering becoming a relationship/sex coach and adding this to my consulting services.

Do you have a website and/or blog?

www.Sexpertkelly.com which is now undergoing renovations

www.Kellyconnellconsulting.com which I hope will be launched soon.

How could someone get in touch with you?

My email is connell.kelly@gmail.com

Who are your favorite types of client?

Anyone who is open to learning.

Would you like to share your most unusual experience?

I don’t know that I have had the most unusual experience yet. J I did have a 2^nd year Family Medicine Resident tell me until I have my presentation he didn’t know people in wheelchairs could HAVE sex. This was disturbing on many levels.

How do you promote your business?

I have a facebook fan page, I twitter, Linkedin, and other social networking sites. I go to conferences. I write articles for other websites. I look for local opportunities and may do something free or at a reduced cost in exchange for a recommendation.

Have you written any books or developed any products specifically for your clients?

Not yet but I have a book possibly in the works.

Interview – Susan Crain Bakos

Would you like to share your name? YES, OF COURSE – SUSAN CRAIN BAKOS

What prompted you to learn more to become a Sexpert?

I FELL INTO IT. WORKING AS A JOURNALIST IN ST. LOUIS, I INTERVIEWED MASTERS AND JOHNSON IN THEIR WANING YEARS. THE ARTICLE FOR ST. LOUIS MAGAZINE WON SOME JOURNALISM PRIZES. THEN MY EDITOR MOVED TO NEW YORK, BECAME AN EDITOR AT PENTHOUSE FORUM AND ASKED ME TO WRITE FOR HIM. THUS BEGAN MY JOURNEY INTO SEX WORLD AS I CALL IT. I HAVE STUDIED WITH SOME OF THE BEST, WORKED WITH HELEN GURLEY BROWN, DR. RUTH WESTHEIMER, BOB GUCCIONE AND OTHERS AND OBSERVED AS A VOYEUR ALL MANNER OF SEX SCENES, INTERVIEWED THOUSANDS OF MEN AND WOMEN, AND CREATED AND TESTED TECHNIQUES. SO I CONSIDER MYSELF FIRST A SEX JOURNALIST, SECOND, A SEX TECHNIQUE AUTHORITY AND THIRD, AN EDUCATOR……BUT I AM FINE WITH “SEXPERT.”

MY NO-FAIL O TECHNIQUE, THE ORGASM LOOP, REALLY WORKS!

How long have you worked in this industry?

25 YEARS

Speaking of the industry – how do you classify the industry or business that you work in?

SEX WORLD! THAT INCLUDES EVERYBODY FROM THERAPISTS THROUGH CALL GIRLS, SEX BOOK AUTHORS THROUGH STRIPPERS. IF WE ARE INVOLVED IN THE MARKETING OF SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL, WE ARE DENIZENS OF SEX WORLD.

If you have a main focus or niche – what is it?

TECHNIQUE

What lead you to that specialty?

CURIOSITY

RE. O LOOP—SO MANY WOMEN WANT TO HAVE ORGASMS DURING INTERCOURSE WITHOUT USING HANDS OR VIBE…..SO I CREATED THE TECHNIQUE TO DO THAT

What has been the hardest thing about your work?

MY FAMILY HAS NEVER BEEN THRILLED ABOUT WHAT I DO. TOO MANY MEN ASSUME IT MEANS I WILL DO ANYTHING, ANY TIME, WITH ANYONE. AND PRUDISH WOMEN! OY.

What has been the easiest thing about your work?

I LOVE SEX.

What has been the most rewarding thing about your work?

GETTING MAIL FROM A WOMAN WHO HAD HER FIRST ORGASM OR LEARNED TO HAVE THEM REGULARLY FROM THE TECHNIQUES AND TIPS IN MY BOOKS OR HEARING FROM A MAN WHO SAYS I HELPED HIS WIFE HAVE ORGASMS AND THAT CHANGED THEIR LIVES. READING LETTERS LIKE THAT IS A VERY HUMBLING EXPERIENCE.

What education do you have to do this sort of work?

I HAVE SCIENCE AND MATH DEGREES WHICH HAS GIVEN ME THE BACKGROUND FOR RESEARCH. I’VE ATTENDED COUNTLESS WORKSHOPS, TRAINING SESSIONS ETC. BUT WORKING FOR DR. RUTH REALLY GAVE ME THE EQUIVALENT OF A PHD IN SEXUALITY.

BY THE WAY, I AM A BIT OF A SNOB ABOUT THOSE PHDS OBTAINED THROUGH MAIL ORDER COURSES……NO WAY.

What additional training did you feel that you needed to do more for your clients?

WITH KIM ELLINGTON, I HAVE STARTED A NEW VENTURE, SEX BABES OF NYC. WE CHARGE HIGH FEES FOR “ACCESS”, FOR EXAMPLE, I WILL HAVE LUNCH OR DINNER WITH A MAN (HE PAYS FOR MEALS AND MY CAR SERVICE AND GIVES ME $500) SO HE CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE. HE CAN SAY ANYTHING. NO JUDGMENTS. I LISTEN, VOICE OPINIONS WHEN ASKED. I REALLY ENJOY IT AND SO DO THEY.

DO YOU KNOW THAT MEN OFTEN PAY CALL GIRLS JUST TO LISTEN TO THEM?

MEN AND WOMEN IN MARRIAGES AND OTHER COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS OFTEN DON’T TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES, NEEDS, FEARS. SHE MAY CONFIDE IN GIRLFRIENDS; HE DOESN’T CONFIDE IN GUY PALS.

Tell us about your business.

MY OTHER “BUSINESS” IS WRITING BOOKS

How long have you been in business?

25 YEARS, 20 BOOKS

Do you have a website and/or blog?

WWW.SEXYPRIME.TYPEPAD.COM

How could someone get in touch with you?

HIT THE EMAIL BUTTON ON THE BLOG

Who are your favorite types of client?

FRANKLY, MEN.

Would you like to share your most unusual experience?

HMMMMM…..LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT

How do you promote your business?

THE BLOG PROMOTES THE BOOKS. I DO FREQUENT RADIO INTERVIEWS

If so, definitely share some details and links for more information.

READERS CAN PURCHASE MY BOOKS ON THE BLOG OR AMAZON OR BN.COM OR IN BOOKSTORES

Chantelle Austin Shares Her Passion

Would you like to share your name? I’m Chantelle Austin

What prompted you to learn more to become a Love Coach or a Sexpert? I started out learning to be a life coach, then realized I had a passion for relationships after one failed marriage and then a super successful one, and when my husband and I decided to try swinging, well it all evolved from there. I also work with sexuality since both my husband and I are now bi (we weren’t when we started this journey so that has been an interesting one to work through ourselves).

What is your title? Swinging Relationship and Sexuality Coach? Or something like that J

In a few sentences, how do you describe what you do? I assist couples in exploring the idea of swinging and exploring sexuality (where appropriate), working on their relationship to swinger-proof it as much as possible and help them through the transition, which is the most vulnerable part. I also help other couples that have jumped into it and then had problems come up! Otherwise I answer peoples one off questions through “Ask Chantelle” J

How long have you worked in this industry? Actively in the swinging relationship scene since 2008, mostly part time due to the nature of the content but have decided that my passion and skills are in this area so have jumped in with both feet at the beginning of this year (2010) J I’ve been a qualified coach since 2003 working on mindset and general success.

Speaking of the industry – how do you classify the industry or business that you work in? Alternative yet adventurous? It’s relationship coaching with someone who understands that relationships aren’t all black and white nor do they all fit into the “traditional” box.

If you have a main focus or niche – what is it? Alternative relationships and exploring sexuality.

What lead you to that specialty? My own personal experience and desire to help others since there is an increasing number of people moving away from traditional relationships and not so many professionals who’ve walked that path before, in their relationship or their sexuality (and even less who’ve done both).

What has been the hardest thing about your work? Helping people who’ve already cheated or done something that is detrimental to their relationship. If they’d only contacted me before they decided to swing or cheat then we could have worked on it and saved their relationship. Plus not being able to do the weekend transformational seminars I want to do because many swingers are so worried about their swinging secret getting out that they don’t want to be in a room with a bunch of others, unless they’re having sex with them of course lol.

What has been the easiest thing about your work? Helping people to open up! It seems that once I start sharing my experience or thoughts, others start to admit their own desires or fears. People share some very intimate thoughts and feelings with me and I love that about what I do.

What has been the most rewarding thing about your work? Helping people discover and accept who they are and not seeing themselves as freaks or weird, or having deeper conversations that lead to a stronger relationship just through sharing. Especially guys that are bi/bi-curious! And helping couples get into swinging (if it’s right for them), and discovering the deeper bonding effect it has… it’s kind of like “I told you so” when that happens lol

What education do you have to do this sort of work? I studied to be a Master Results Coach and am also a Master in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and Hypnosis so I can help people with their “love junk” along the way. So even if their relationship isn’t ready to swing, I can help them get there so they can choose to later.

What additional training did you feel that you needed to do more for your clients? Getting out there into the scene more, so I had more experience to draw from. And more people with problems to address so I could get better at giving advice.

Tell us about your business. I provide advice, articles, coaching, online products (albeit just a few for now) and resources for people who are either swinging or curious about it. I will be adding more relationship-oriented solutions for couples who know they aren’t ready to swing yet and have more work to do on their relationship first.

In the coming year I am positioning myself more as the Non-Traditional Relationship Expert and will be looking for more media exposure to get more couples at least talking about other options. There are so many people that aren’t aware there are other relationship options for them that are really awesome for building stronger bonds and a deeper level connection between people. What I see are people who want to enjoy sex with others and decide that cheating is the way to do it… There are other options that don’t destroy the relationship and I think I might be the gal to get that word out there! Do you think?

How long have you been in business? Since 2006, but Chantelle Austin International since 2008.

Did you expand an existing business to include love and relationship coaching? Yes, just talking about swinging wasn’t enough, I really want to help people so I brought my coaching skills into relationships.

Do you have a website and/or blog? Http://www.chantelleaustin.com, and Chantelle’s Diary (personal blog) is in the members area J

How could someone get in touch with you? Email in the first instance – Chantelle@chantelleaustin.com

Who are your favorite types of client? Couples (or groups) who are open-minded, curious, who may have some relationship or personal issues that need to be worked on first. I love working with people who are committed to creating a thriving relationship which isn’t easy in the 21^st century! I also love working with single people who want to create this kind of relationship for themselves and are still recovering from heart break. I enjoy helping them connect back with who they are and then helping them work through their love-junk and into a thriving relationship J

Would you like to share your most unusual experience? Ooo gee, unusual? I think having a young man tell me he was in love with his mother (in a relationship and sexual way), and it was reciprocated. He wanted to know if it was wrong… Who am I to say anything is wrong!?! While it’s not something I’d do (nor most other people I imagine), as far as I was concerned, as long as it’s consensual and they were both happy, then I wasn’t going to judge it as wrong. I said so and wished them luck. Oh and I suggested they move to a state where neither one could get arrested over it lol.

How do you promote your business? Online mostly, through word of mouth and through the articles I write for some bigger sites. I have been in the media a few times which has helped too. Helping people and writing are my strengths, marketing and sales, not so much lol. Currently looking for a business partner who has those strengths

Have you written any books or developed any products specifically for your clients? I wrote “The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples”, formally known as “The Ultimate Swingers Guide”, and it’s aimed at people who are new or curious. It’s 150+ pages of relationship guidance, how-to information as well as going into many of the what-if’s that people have when they decide to try swinging out. It has lots of my own personal stories and experiences in it, even some embarrassing information but what I’ve learned is that others have similar thoughts and feelings so by me sharing it allowed them to feel better knowing they weren’t alone. The book is currently here http://www.chantelleaustin.com/essential-guide

I’m about to release “The 7 Key Foundations to a Thriving Relationship” which is about going back to basics. For some couples it will be a health check and for others it will be about identifying and strengthening the foundations that need some work. Either way, it’s an interactive, go-at-your-own-pace, home study course that couples can invest in.

I personally coach both individuals and couples to work through their love junk, increase self-esteem, increase sexual confidence and create that thriving relationship that we all deserve! I do a complimentary call with people first to see what they think the issues are and to see if we’re a good fit to work together. I don’t work with just anyone either; I work with people I am confident I can get results with.

Some group coaching and webinar based programs are coming soon and if people want to share what problems they have, I am sure I can come up with a solution that fits their budget

What did I forget to ask? The only other thing I can add is that my husband and I have been together since 2000 and our relationship is thriving, even more so since we decided to swing and explore our own sexuality. I’ve been married before and have made all the usual mistakes so I come with lots of personal experience, not just professional education.

I have 2 beautiful daughters and my vision includes breaking the divorce cycle, teaching relationship skills and uncensored sex-ed to young teens and adults to stop them from committing suicide or being bullied due to their sexuality. And if we can give them healthy relationship skills then they will teach their kids and everyone will be much happier!!! Actually there is a whole lot more to the vision but suffice it to say, it’s a rather large one, I just want to change the world!!!

Ok, enough said

Pros and Cons of Sexual Fantasies

Most people would admit to having some kind of fantasy. How many of those would admit to having sexual fantasies? Maybe its those fleeting thoughts as the waiter in the tight black pants walks by your table carrying a pitcher dripping with cold water as you hear the ice cube clink against the glass. Or, maybe it’s the perky and flirty co-ed from the local coffee shop who always gives you an extra squirt for free and leans over a little too far when she hands you the change. We’ve all been there – whether we are likely to admit it to anyone else. But, do you admit it to yourself?

Who fantasizes about whom? Do you ever sit in a group with your friends and wonder who and what they fantasize about? As a rule:

Women fantasize about a person or people they have been involved with at some time – emotionally, romantically or sexually. On the other hand, men fantasize about people they would like to have sex with or just various sexual acts. However – both men and women usually include the person’s face in their fantasy. We all know how expressive a lover’s face can be – no wonder people want to include faces and facial expressions when they fantasize. Another similarity with men and women’s fantasies – is the inclusion of “taboo” partners.

Like everything in life – there are pros and cons to fantasizing. Here are a few of each – what would you include?

Pros

• Improve communication with your partner
• Be playful and spontaneous
• Add spice and variety to your love life
• Create new ideas with your partner
• Move outside your usual comfort zone
• Shake things up with your partner
• Identify and stretch your sexual and relationship boundaries

Cons

• Guilt or shame – even if irrational concerns
• Being hooked on fantasies and letting them over shadow your reality
• Pushing past your partner’s boundaries
• Use fantasies to avoid a real relationship or to avoid your partner
• Hurting yourself or hurting other people through your fantasies
• Using fantasies against yourself or your partner

Fantasies can be a great way to spice up your love life and to discover new and exciting things for you and your partner. However, you want to avoid using fantasies against your partner or to push a partner to do something they are not comfortable with and do not want to do. Bottom line – fantasies should be enjoyable, fun and safe.

For much more information about Sexual Fantasies – check out the Loveology Club. Sexual Fantasies are just one of the information packed courses that you can get in the club. Click here https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/join.aspx?a_aid=litekepr for more details.